Awkward restaurant situations, omlettes and babies.

Another Monday, and another end to the weekend. I have to say that I really and truly love my job, but that being said I would really love it even more if the weekends were 3 days and the work week was 4! I always have a list of productive things I plan on getting done on the weekend and somehow the majority of the list never happens!

Friday was the cheat day from my diet, so hubby and I went out for supper. My husband and I have been following the GI diet recently. My body does not love bad carbs, despite the continuous insistence from my tastebuds, so after dieting to look awesome for our wedding this past summer I have managed to pack on thirty pounds. Not good. Now this has nothing to do with exercise, since I do that anywhere from 3 to 5 days a week, it is all diet, and let me tell you this fall was a shit show of a diet disaster. After being so careful with my eating to look good for the wedding I think my brain rebelled and so I ate bad food, then I started a new job which was pretty overwhelming, so I ate bad food. Next I got pregnant, which generally means eating healthy but also means cutting out everything with aspartame which I love so much so that meant extra calories. Next came the holidays, followed shortly thereafter by a miscarriage, so there was some holiday eating followed by some depression eating.....so here I am 30 pounds heavier. So I have been eating healthier, somehow after just a few weeks on the diet I have lost about 2 pounds (so not noticable) and my husband is the skinniest he has been in years looks great, he didn't really have any weight to lose to begin with though. Not fair!

Ok well, back to my Friday after that diet rant. So at dinner I randomly start talking about the miscarriage, I don't know why, it has been a few weeks but had been on my mind all day. I am literally surrounded by pregnant people and new mothers, at work (school for pregnant/parenting teens) and with friends/family. Anyway I was talking about how it's not that I wish bad things on anybody but that I wish I had a close girlfriend who had been through it because while I have people to talk to, unless you've dealt with it you can't really understand. I was also just talking about how far I would've been along this past weekend (about 19 weeks) etc. etc. Anyway my husband told me not to talk about it, he didn't want to talk about it and that I've got to be positive, we are trying again so try and be happy etc. Of course, that made me tear up, because I am already thinking about the miscarriage and now the only person in the world that I think I can share with doesn't want to hear it. Awkward, tearing up in a restaurant! Of course then my husband is saying things trying to get me to stop tearing up which is having the opposite effect! Anyway, I manage to pull it together without making a scene.

I am of course annoyed at him that I can't talk to him about it, but I'm thinking that I will talk to him about it the next day, obviously a restaurant is not the place to continue this conversation. Of course by the next morning I am feeling differently. The thing that I forget sometimes is that my husband is dealing with the loss too, although perhaps not as acutely as me. The way he deals with things is that he tries to distract himself and look at the positive, so I really don't think it's that he doesn't want to listen to me, it's just that he's trying to cope with it himself. Men aren't talkers like women are. Also, I really shouldn't have made it the topic of conversation at a busy restaurant on a Friday night, when we talk at home he is generally very supportive. So while I am lying in bed on Saturday morning thinking about why I shouldn't make a big deal out of last night's conversation he comes in to our bedroom with an egg-white omlette for me and we have breakfast in bed together..........he is really pretty amazing, and I'm very glad that he is my husband.

On Sunday we are surrounded by more baby related events. First we head to a friends house to attend a Baby naming ceremony (a Jewish event, similar to a Christening) for their baby girl. Afterwards we stopped by to see some friends of ours. The couple is expecting their first baby. She is only three weeks behind where I was, and we were so excited to be going on maternity leave together. Unfortunately I lost the baby, but they have also had some hardships. She screened high risk for the baby having a Trisomy disorder, so she had an amnio last week and should get the results on Tues or Wed. She has really bad morning sickness. For some reason despite all the worry about disorders and her brutal morning sickness I still find myself feeling jealous that she is still pregnant and I'm not. Jealousy is such a poisonous emotion and I am really trying not to feel it, but it has been a struggle lately with all the pregnant women I see. Hopefully hubby and I are expecting again soon and I won't feel this way anymore!

So that was my weekend, here is to having a great week and hopefully the start of spring sometime soon!