Ok, so in my last post I was going to post my rant about this weekend and I ended up going on about something else and I never got to my original rant. So here it is, although with a few days of space I am certainly more chill.
As I started to say, we were over hanging out with a couple who are very good friends of ours. As well there were a few couples there that we don't know very well. The couple we are close with just had a baby (6.5 weeks ago) and we haven't told them about our miscarriage because we want them to really enjoy this time without feeling weird around us. This coming Saturday I am hosting the baby shower in celebration of their new baby girl.
It may seem odd that I am hosting the shower at this sensitive, but I offered to host while I was newly pregnant and super excited. I never really expected things to end up this way. It came about that I would host because the girl's sister-in-law (her brother's wife) offered to host. While her SIL is a nice person, she is somewhat socially awkward and a financially struggling student who lives in a basement apartment. My friend didn't want to refuse her offer, since this was a big step for her, but also didn't really think she was the best person to host given her situation. I suggested that maybe her SIL could host a family event and that a friend (such as me) could host a friends event. That way her SIL isn't insulted and she could have the shower that she wanted. Fast forward to today. Her brother and SIL are acting crappy. We all live in the same city but yet the brother has met the baby only once (when my friend came to visit him at his work so he could meet his neice) and the SIL hasn't even seen the baby yet or mentioned the baby shower again. So now the fun friends co-ed evening baby shower I had planned (and she was wanting) has turned into a much bigger multi-generational family event. The guest list keeps growing and I keep thinking about how this is not what I had in mind and that I am going to be serving refreshments for more and more people.
This alone is not really enough to get me worked up, it's annoying, but understandable. What is really annoying me is that she has invited a number of people (and their partners) that she openly doesn't like, and doesn't really have a desire to hang out with. She is essentially inviting them because she wants more gifts. I don't really like these people either, they are not bad people, just the kind of people that get under your skin and you would never be friends with. If they were her friends and she really wanted them there then I wouldn't have a problem. It's the fact that she doesn't even like them either that bothers me. The invite list she sent me was just email addresses on it, so I just sent the invite to the list. You know how email addresses are, sometimes they aren't anything like the persons name, so I didn't realise who they were until they responded. Too late to talk to her about maybe not inviting them! I'm sorry, but inviting people that you don't like to a party that someone else is paying for just so you can get gifts is just plain rude. She doesn't even try to pretend she likes them.....grrrrrr!
Already I'm annoyed at her because all of this baby shower information comes to light on Saturday and unbeknownst to her I'm already kind of stressed about it, just because it is hard to be celebrating a baby shower so soon after losing your own baby. Then this discussion started about a girl we both know who has been trying for awhile to get pregnant and is having difficulty. I am dying to tell her my story, but with all the people in the room that I don't really know I am not going to bring it up. Then she starts telling a story about a girl she works with (she is also a teacher) who is trying to get pregnant and has been trying for about a year. The girl just found out she had a pregnant girl in her class. She was going on and on about how tough it must be for this girl to have to see an unplanned teenage pregnancy while she was having difficulties trying. It's not her fault for talking about this because, again she doesn't know my situation, but while this entire conversation is going on I am struggling. I just want to scream...you think that's hard??? Try having a miscarriage when you work at a school that is for pregnant and parenting teen girls??? Every single student I have is either pregnant or a mom! Some of the girls I teach are due around the same time I was! I have to see girls smoking on the corner with their pregnant bellies and deal with the fact that they get to have a baby and I couldn't. There is a daycare on site, where I see little babies coming in and out of throughout the day. One of my students has 3 kids already at 18! I see girls in abusive relationships, drug problems, alcoholics, in foster homes, stds, and neglectful of their kids! That is hard!!!!
Of course, I can't scream that. I will break down sobbing and the strangers in the room will think I'm a crazy lady, so I sit there and nod and don't say much except "yeah that must be hard". Like I said I don't blame her for this, because she doesn't know my situation, and she's right, it is tough for that friend of hers too, and don't get me wrong, I really love the school that I work at. While I do see all the problems these girls face they all have a story from their past that would break your heart into a million pieces and I get to see many of them find there way through their struggles and moving towards some kind of productive life. I have formed many connections with the girls, and I really care about them. It's just that it's a hard place to work having recently had a miscarriage.
Well there you have the story of my Saturday, a bit annoyed at my friend about the baby shower invite choices, but not blaming her at all for the sensitivity around my miscarriage that she doesn't know about. I'm actually really glad I have created this blog. Being able to write this story down and put it out there makes it easy to just move on. I promised that my entry after this one would be positive and not a rant, so I will write next time to let you all know how the baby shower goes on Saturday.....and no matter how it goes I will only tell you about the positive (hopefully it's all positive anyway) because I feel like I need to send a little positivity out into the universe and maybe the universe will send some back my way. Please comment on the post if you have anything to say, I really love hearing what you think!!!
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